... that i realize just how much of a workaholic i can be. all day friday, all day saturday, most everyday next week, and half of each day the week after. and that's it because those are the only extra hours i could get. crazy i think. but joey and i are working hard so we can get out of debt. even though right now that just means not falling behind on rent and bills haha. but you know what is kinda funny about that? i am so content right now. we just barely scrape by, with multiple blessings from family, but i don't mind. joey and i go on these dates all the time, we clean our studio apartment (vacuum the whole place from one outlet), watch House, make meals together, go on random walks. it's not all rainbows and butterflies, i mean, pms makes me a nightmare, i know. but we just get to be together all the time. we try to save every penny, and we do pretty good, but then we splurge and go to Sonic's "happy hour". last night the clouds were super cool. so we grabbed a blanket and just laid on the front lawn, staring at the sky and chatting. in all honesty, one of my fears before getting married, and not just when engaged, was that when i got married i wouldn't just chat with my husband after the first few months. like we would run out of things to talk about. but here we are, over one year later, and we were able to sit and chat for about 3 hours. what about? anything that came to mind. i love talking with my best friend and companion.
so, we've got a good number of friends who are having babies this summer. this past winter semester i was pretty baby hungry. i thought how wonderful it would be to hold my own little one, someone that was part of both joey and me. and some days i think i still want that, right now. but honestly? i'm not ready to give up this time with joey just yet. i want him all to myself right now. i know my mom skills won't be perfect, but i also know i won't be a wreck. i just don't want to wake up in the middle of the night, change millions of diapers, all that stuff. i can do it when they get here. but not right now.
plus, i just want to dance. i don't want morning sickness, which i am sure to get, while i'm taking classes. i have a hard enough time with pms, and that just lasts four days! as precious as little ones are, i am just not ready for them yet to enter my world. i finally got used to the huge change from last year - marriage - and i'm not wanting to change my life even more drastically just a year later.
for those of you reading this who don't know me really well, this is me trying to convince myself that i really can wait. honestly, i just want school to be done. no, i really don't want to get pregnant this month, but to wait as long as joey and i are going to? bah. babies really are cute; i could even handle the waking-me-up-in-the-middle-of-the-night-stuff. :) but it is really nice to have this joey-time to myself.
who knows what the plan is. a friend of mine is having trouble getting pregnant. will i be like that? i don't think so, but maybe. i do know that so far, the Lord knows me well enough to say "enjoy this time with your husband. i don't want you to do this yet." :) we went to the temple a lot last week. wednesday & thursday were for initiatories, friday for an endowment session. i wanted to do sealings on saturday, but joey's friend from the mission came to visit. which was good too. but in all this temple-going, it was so nice to feel that reassurance that my instincts on my future motherhood are spot on.
well, i'll end my post now. it's just what i've been thinking about lately, and last month joey and i were seriously going to start trying. but i'm glad we've decided to wait. a lot of pondering, and working at the bookstore, that's what my summer has been mostly. :) hope you all are enjoying your summers, too!
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