oh life.

sometimes, i have great faith.
i believe in myself whole-heartedly.
i make sure i smile.
i'm proud of what i accomplish.
i am happy for others.
i actually finish my homework in advance.
i feel like i'm on top of the world.
i get to snuggle joey.

then i go to a dance audition.
i feel fine, but not great.
i mess up a combination i should know.
i still can't get that quality they want.
i am still not able to do those cool things so and so can do.
i am still not a favorite of the judges, or of the director.
i'm "a lovely girl, but there were so many talented dancers there...".

no, i'm not doing dancEnsemble again.  i'm so grateful my family and friends who could be there came, because for one shining semester my dreams were a reality.  i'm grateful i was able to do it this past semester, because i learned so so so very much, and have grown as a dancer.  i'm grateful i was in it with the people i was, because they have changed my life, for the better.  i'm grateful i have a body that can do what it does, and even though the only quality i have down pat is the beautiful, flowing, soft and gentle one, at least i have that going for me.  i'm grateful that i experienced all this, so i can be a better dancer and teacher next semester and later in the future.

it's starting to sink in that i didn't make it.  and i'm rather upset about it.

but at least i had the time i did, and now i can just focus on being a part of other's seniors projects, helping their dreams come true.  besides, no one will know dE outside of the BYU dance department anyways.

it hurts, can you tell?