We all knew it was inevitable. It has been so busy I have not gotten to this in 4 months now. I had so many good intentions. And there have been so many moments to record. Here is just a sliver of what we lived and experienced.
Dear Rory,
- You love to get belly buttons, and giggle maniacally when you blow raspberries on other people!
- You give the sweetest little kisses.
- You love high fives.
- The little plastic dogs we have, you would find them back in October and bring them to me, SO excited and say "woof woof!" over and over again. You haven't played with them in a few weeks, but when you find them heaven forbid anyone take them from you!
- Back for the fall festival, you LOVED this little area where they had stuffed animals and plastic veggies on hay for a "farm" with a cardboard old West town and everything. It was adorable and a wonderful find for your small self.
- You are really smart. You say a lot of things with "b", including the latest one of "bubbles". You are trying to learn more words and have started to show frustration when I guess the wrong word. You are so thrilled when we communicate correctly and understanding is reached. We have a long way to go on clarity though.
- I mentioned before your wonderful hugs. No really, they are THE BEST. Your tiny arms squeeze around the neck and you are so happy and excited about the hugs, it's amazing.
- You have hurt Daddy oh so much by not caring where he is or what he is doing, not wanting anything to do with him unless I really am that busy. It's the weirdest and most heartbreaking thing for me, as I love both of you, to see you just not need or want him. Even with him gone you never ask where he is. Now, when you see a picture of him you smile and wave and call him, but that's the extent of it. I'm hoping when he comes back you will have realized how great he really is, and appreciate him more.
- You love to help with the dishwasher. Pulling out clean dishes to hand them to me or the other kids brings you such joy. You like getting them by yourself, too. You have finally started to understand that dirty dishes have to go in and stay in until clean.
- You like to help put clothes away too. You usually steal them from the other piles and run away giggling as we all try to fold, but you like to help and it's cute.
- I took you out of the pack-n-play. You slept on the end of Reed's bed for the past month or so, and have now been proclaimed unwelcome by the others, so I really do need to get you your own mattress. But you have loved the freedom of it. Bedtime is complete chaos right now, so we use the gate in the door, but you lay down if the others do too... usually.
- You just don't like grains in typical forms. Bread, tortillas, rice, none of that. Cheerios and goldfish are fine. Noodles it depends on the day. But most everything else you eat alright. You are not done nursing, and at this rate you might go the longest, or at least as long as Reed.
- Back molars came in. Now the canines are currently and ohmyword do we both need them to just pop up already.
- You don't like naps as much already. You do better with a later nap than an earlier one. It's been crazy and our routines have been off for about 2 months straight, but usually you nap for 1-2 hours.
- You really like being able to put on your own shoes. Wearing shoes and going out to play in the dirt makes you so happy.
- You can't stand a dirty diaper. You go and get your own diapers and bring them to me when you are ready to be changed. I don't like when you pull all the wipes out though. You also have already sat on the potty successfully twice this past week. You have started to figure out control of all that so we might start training in earnest next month. For now, I let you sit when I have a second, or you just climb on the froggy while the others go.
- You like to climb on the bench with the big kids. Especially if their water cups are on the table.
- You are still scared of Nana's big dog while he is standing. When he is laying down you like to pet him as you go by.
- You have started to pray. You fold your arms and bow your head, and sometimes talk with whoever is giving the prayer. You are so excited when I let you "say" it that you look at me and laugh, then look around while we pray.
You are a sweet monkey. I love you to the moon and back.
Love, Mommy
Dear Aaron,
- We went to Wonderworks in Panama City way back at the start of October. It was so fun for you! It was really similar to the science museum in Alabama, but it still had some unique things that made it so instead of just 3 or so hours I believe we were there for about 7 or 8! You especially loved that you were tall enough for the virtual reality roller coaster.
- Also at the beginning of October, there is a note I saved where you came to me and proclaimed, "I'm done with my rage," after throwing things for about 15 minutes in your room. I know we have a long way to go as we navigate emotions and properly dealing with frustrations, but I was proud of you for recognizing your feelings, finding a solution that did not hurt others or yourself, and felt secure enough to talk with me after. Also, it was just funny how you said it, but of course I didn't laugh until telling Daddy about it later. You are so great.
- You finished the soccer season well. You missed your last game because you were sick, but the second to last game you played great and it made for a good closing of the season. There was no sadness at the end of being a part of that team, but you learned some good things and I'm glad for you.
- Halloween was the most extended I ever care for it to be again, ha. There was the ward trunk-or-treat the 30th, and Nana and Papa took you guys. You dressed up as Link. You had a blast running around with your friends, collecting way more sugar than I thought possible, and even trying the "haunted room" set up by the teenagers. You didn't like it, but I was proud of you for trying. You told them all to "back off" and covered your ears so they wouldn't scare you. Papa gave you lots of extra candy, too. There were also so many fun activities to win candy, including a nerf target. The next night Daddy and I took you guys to Publix, which was simple but fun to do together. You were Starlord for that one. Then we enjoyed Charlie Brown together.
- But wait there's more! The fall festival was the 2nd, and you guys got even more candy, and other little prizes. You dressed up in your Robin shirt I made you for that day. You got to enjoy the activities too. You had to do every single bean bag toss there was, and there were a lot of them. You loved the karate demonstration, the basketball shooter, and the Star Wars nerf shooter. Going around with Daddy was probably your favorite part of all of it.
- For Papa's birthday we went to the Blue Angels air show, and oh my heavens was it COLD. You were not thrilled to be there that long, and were grateful when I finally said we could leave, but you did enjoy looking at all the planes with Papa. That was so special to see you bond with him over those planes, learning from him and enjoying that time. Although you also wanted to watch the planes flying over and had to stop listening for a few minutes, haha. Getting the toy set was a highlight because you have been asking for one for YEARS and we got you the coolest WWII set there was. For some reason, when we left everyone grabbed their jackets and promptly left them at home. So we did end up buying a sweatshirt which you wore. It was a good but freezing day out on the tarmac, and ended with yummy food at Red Robin.
- Before Thanksgiving we went to the school showing of the Nutcracker, and while you tell me you didn't enjoy it at all, you were chatting and giggling with your friends enough I have reason to disbelieve you ha. You also were glued to the performance when the "Russian" dance was on, with all the cool jumps and turns. We tried a local food place after with Daddy for fun, too. It was a good outing.
- For Thanksgiving we had MieMie visit, going to see Frozen II (and liking it!) and trying Jumping Beans, which you loved of course. You guys enjoyed games at home with her when Daddy and I went out, and being able to share that time with her was just what you wanted.
- When we went to the Christmas parade this year, you sat with Nana and Papa and Daddy and Rory, and scored even more candy! It was crazy when, towards the end, someone from the parade came and dumped the rest of their BUCKET into our wagon so she wouldn't have to pass it out anymore. You were thrilled of course!
- Nana and Papa bought a house in December, and you and the others got to help choose which one it was during the showings. You have LOVED their big back yard and giant tree house! You have helped Papa with cleaning up the bushes and really long, tall grasses by using a real saw, and have also helped clean the pool a couple times. There is enough space to run around and play with a ball, or tag, or swing... It's been a home away from home for all of you and it's been great to see you help them and learn from them while there.
- The dance studio started Christmas break a few days before everyone else, so we got to visit New Orleans mid-December. It was an interesting trip, being extremely cold and needing to walk everywhere, and the timing being off. You were bored for most of the trip. The pizza place we went to was fun, because you got to literally build your pizza. You also liked eating at a place called "Joey K's", and you told me "it must be such a good place for the policemen to go eat there!" as we saw a group enjoying their meal while there. The highlight of the trip, and what made it all worthwhile, was the WWII museum. It is worth the price and the craziness of water being shut down in the city that day, necessitating port-a-potties while there. Everything is so well done, you were able to learn so much. The others and I left without seeing it all, but you stayed with Daddy to finish the rest of it and absorbed as much as you possibly could. If anything, I hope to take you back so you can finish reading everything to your heart's desire. You learned so much, it was such a powerful experience. Having the dog tags to take around and learn about individuals who lived through it made everything more inspiring. You have a new subject of interest now, for sure.
- Spending Christmas with Daddy was a blessing we are all grateful for. It was a good morning, followed by a simple afternoon and evening. You enjoyed gifts and games and treats, and were satisfied with the cookies-and-Santa result this year, as well as the stocking. I'm so grateful you don't expect much, and are grateful for simple but meaningful gifts. And you definitely enjoyed more pumpkin pie again!
- New Years we spent at a friend's house for fireworks, and it was so fun to watch you run around with your friends as the fireworks went off. We didn't stay up late because everyone was getting over colds, but you were satisfied with the play date so were just fine. Nerf guns and hiding and seeking and tag and fireworks... it was a great night for you!
- Daddy left this month for deployment. It was hard with all the changing schedules and timelines, but you dealt with it as best you could and I am grateful. You have been so excited to update him on your video games every chance you get to talk to him. Getting back into the school habit is a little challenging, but otherwise our routine is mostly leveled out and you are doing what you can to help.
I am proud of who you are becoming. I hope you know that I am trying to become a better mom for you, so that we can find greater peace and happiness together. You are so smart, and so emotional, and have so much to give. We'll not only just get through this separation from Daddy, but we'll grow and enjoy life while we wait to be reunited. I love you.
Love, Mommy
Dear Ana,
- You also loved Wonderworks in Panama way back in October, and had a blast with the giant bubbles and drawing dinosaurs to scan into the machine and project. It was a great day to explore and enjoy with you.
- You finished soccer happily and enjoyed your end of year party very much. I love how you make friends every where and loved trying something new. You were happy to not have so much during the week to do, but also enjoyed the extra activity. We'll see what next year brings.
- So for the ward trunk-or-treat you dressed up as a fairy, and had a glorious time running around with friends and playing games, and of course getting candy. When we went to Publix you went as a cat, and were satisfied with the simple evening of watching Charlie Brown since our schedule was so hectic. When we went to the fall festival, you dressed up as ??? and loved getting ALL the candy and trying most of the games. There was one booth with paper animal masks you could color, and you waited patiently for it, then took your time coloring it perfectly. You definitely enjoyed the time walking together.
- The air show was so cold, it was hard for you to enjoy, but you did for the most part. Seeing the planes actually flying was more fun than the ones sitting on the ground, and you definitely enjoyed your white teddy bear with pink shirt most. Going to Red Robin was your favorite part I think!
- You loved seeing the Nutcracker this year with friends again! You sat and excitedly pointed everything out with them the whole time, sometimes so loudly we had to shush you haha. It was so fun to hear you chatter on about all the costumes and different dances, trying to decide what was your favorite this year.
- Thanksgiving with MieMie was the best, because you got all the extra snuggles and had so much fun with the games at home and Jumping Beans, and of course the movie Frozen. We have listened to the songs so much since then.
- You walked with me in the Christmas parade and had fun waving at everyone, and then because we weren't too far back we got to enjoy the rest of the parade with the others. Spending time with everyone just makes you so happy.
- Being at Nana and Papa's new house has been so fun for you. You don't like running too much still, but you have enjoyed being in the calm and quiet space of the backyard, helping to clean the pool, and having snuggle time with Nana.
- We went to 2 Christmas parties on the same day, one being the ward party and the other at the dance studio. You enjoyed seeing and playing with friends at both. It was also incredible when you won a giant stuffed dragon at the second party, astounding me greatly, and overflowing your heart with joy at such a happy occurrence.
- New Orleans was not your favorite trip. You were cold and got sick. You enjoyed looking at the houses with us, counting wreaths in the windows and on the doors, but otherwise were just tired. You were obviously getting sick when we were at the museum so I took you back to the room. It was good for you that we left the next day, but you were a champ and let us make a stop first. The pizza making was probably your favorite, but the walk there and back was the coldest part with all the wind.
- Christmas with Aunt Ali was the best. You got ALL THE SNUGGLES with the person you are most like! It was so great to see you develop a real relationship with her, and I hope you continue to strengthen it over the years.
- You got art supplies for Christmas. Some canvas and some oil pastels. You have been so happy to create more artwork! I love seeing your talent develop. The family hoverboard was also an extremely exciting gift, and you mastered it before anyone else with your mad skills.
- New Years with your friends and Aunt Ali watching fireworks was wonderful. You were not sad at all to go to bed at a normal time, because you like early bedtimes for early mornings. It was a fun and simple night of snuggles and snacks.
- Being able to celebrate Daddy's birthday with him when we thought we couldn't was a wonderful gift. We watched the Rebels show and had cookies, and you got to snuggle him. When he had to leave the next day it was a little easier since we had the extra time. Although you definitely had a melt down the next day. We've been able to stabilize and found a good routine for now. Getting back into schoolwork has been rough, but it's going easier. Reed's extra appointments have been hard on you, which has surprised me. But you have been getting lots of hugs from Nana.
- You are excelling in dance and acro. You got moved up for the acro level, and are loving tap and ballet. You go with me now when I teach one of the nights, and it makes things easier so far as driving goes, but it also lets us have more time together.
- You told me the other night that you lick each side of the tortilla chip to see which is saltier so you can scoop beans with the less salty side and taste the salt on the underside. It was hilarious to watch. You definitely like salt.
- There was a great moment this week when you asked Aaron, "what is the sharpest thing?" He responded with, "Being separated from Heavenly Father forever." You were confused and continued with, "...I meant, like, a knife or sword or nail, like that. But that makes sense."
It's been good to figure out more time together, but as we also learn how to handle big emotions and situations we are having many discussions. I'm so grateful you have so many loving family members in your life, and that you make friends everywhere we go, even just waiting in line at the store. I love you so much.
Love, Mommy
Dear Reed,
- 9/29/19 classic conversation:
"Reed you need to go poop."
"No because then I will get small."
"So... You're full of poop?"
"Yes."
- You LOVED Wonderworks. You were simultaneously terrified and thrilled by the little hurricane simulation thing that "flipped" the laboratory over. You thought it was a real story until after you had experienced it like 10 times and I realized as you told me about it how you believed it, and were slightly scared, and I had to clarify it is just silly despite hurricanes being real. You didn't seem sure I was telling you the whole story. You were also thrilled with the visual sand that created mountains and volcanoes or lakes and seas as you scooped the sand - that was cool stuff. You were super sad you couldn't do the roller coaster though. I'm hoping we can go again so you can be tall enough.
- So, you turned FOUR! Daddy was gone that week, which was lame, and I had to go teach... That was the worst. You knew I had made a promise so you sadly said goodbye. And then when I got home, the place I had promised you we would go, Jumping Beans, was CLOSED. So we got pizza and went to the park for a walk and to play on the playground. It was a lame birthday, I readily admit. You did get some fun things that you really enjoy still, though. You had asked for a little Sableye pokemon you could "build" months previous, and still love having him, amongst other things.
- For your well check up, we had quite the roadblock. You were fine, until you decided you did not want to talk to the nurse or doctor at ALL and refused to do anything they asked willingly. The doctor, being a wonderful lady I have appreciated the whole time we've been here, gently asked me if this was normal for you. It has been. She informed me that is more 3-ish than 4-ish and recommended some counseling places and occupational therapy to help figure out emotional regulation. After such a stressful appointment, we went to Chick-fil-A and enjoyed lunch and play time, after driving while silently sobbing in gratitude for her honesty and offer of help. You were content with the play time. And I made appointments the next week.
- For the ward trunk-or-treat you were a ghost, and wore a sheet and everything. You mostly hung out with Nana and Papa, getting lots of extras from Papa. For Publix and the fall festival, you were Superman. You enjoyed the candy and a handful of activities. Mostly the candy though ha.
- For the air show, you sat in a blanket and remained miserable the whole time. You wanted to go home 2 minutes in. You did get a little bear, and sat with him and the headphones Nana got, and sort of looked at planes, but made it clear you were done. When we fiiiiiinally left for Red Robin, you were very happy. You enjoyed eating there and watching them sing "Happy Birthday" to Papa.
- For the Nutcracker, you enjoyed seeing other friends, but you also thoroughly enjoyed the show! You were telling me all your favorite parts and what you liked about it, I realized you might really enjoy dance. I was overjoyed with this and have been trying valiantly to not push you into the idea. You have come to class with me a few times, and have participated once. But you like the idea of trying both ballet and tap, and I am still hopeful. Anyway, it was wonderful to share the Nutcracker with you, and I can't wait to take you and Ana to the full production of the big city one next year.
- You enjoyed Thanksgiving with MieMie also, enjoying the movie and could not get enough of Jumping Beans! It was good to know you did enjoy it even though it didn't work for your birthday.
- So the first week of December we met with your/our new therapist, Miss T. We talked about how we were going to learn together how better to talk to each other and help understand one another. You were shy at first, per the norm, but listened while we talked and observed her room, warming up by the end enough to ask her about some items in there. She gave you modeling clay at the end, and you told me how much you liked her. We have gone back several times, and we are learning. You really like her and feel comfortable there, and I am overwhelmingly grateful for a safe space to learn about such important albeit sensitive things. You don't necessarily enjoy being there to talk about difficult things. But we're making progress. She is a wonderful new friend.
- You really enjoyed being in the Christmas parade with me and Ana. It was fun to share with you, although you had no desire to wave or even smile at anyone, ha! Your eyes were huge when that woman dumped all the candy into our wagon. It was crazy.
- When we went to the ward Christmas party, there was a little gift exchange between all the kids. You chose one of the packages I brought because you wanted to know what was inside. You were not thrilled, but curiosity was satisfied so you didn't complain either, ha. You did however light up at the dance studio when you won the GIANT teddy bear that they brought out! It was the first (of the 2) giant toys and you whispered in my ear, "Oh Mom, I really hope I win that one." It was so cute and you were so thunderstruck with amazement haha! It was great watching you carry it back to where Daddy was sitting, too.
- The next night was the night Daddy and I were supposed to sing at a music fireside for church. During our turn, Daddy was nowhere to be found, and you chased me up the stage making your horrid rude noise. When we were supposed to get down, you decided I should chase you down instead of quietly leaving. We left the chapel with your hand in mine, you screaming and my face oh so red. We spent the rest of the time in the car, as I knew the others were fine with friends until Daddy could get them. I was mortified and furious. You were exhausted and also furious. I just kept thinking how I could not wait to get to know Miss T better to figure out our hot mess.
- You tolerated New Orleans while we were walking about, when we ate pizza, and in the hotel room. The museum was super hard for you because you did not want to NOT climb on everything. It was also just cold. You also could not wait to go pick up Ali from the airport.
- You loved having Aunt Ali here, showing her your tricks and playing games with her. She understood you, where most people don't. You also love her like Ana, and I hope your relationship grows as well.
- You got a skateboard for Christmas and have loved riding that around. It was something you wanted about a month before, and did not think you would get. The family also got a hoverboard, and that thing is practically an extension of you! It amazes me to no end how adept you are on it! You move the easiest on it, and are figuring out tricks and things already.
- You have hated Daddy being gone. You were so thrilled when it was pushed back a day and we could spend his birthday with him. When he left the next day, on the way home from dropping him off, you asked me how long until he comes back: "2 days? 1 week?" "Sigh... no honey..." There have been several nights where you have pushed me to the limit at bedtime just to burst into tears and sob how much you miss him. It is hard, but we are adjusting and finding balance. You don't angrily ignore him for video calls now, but make funny faces and everything like usual.
- We tried speech therapy and occupational therapy this month, OT first. You liked Miss Rebecca okay, but not the work so fought it. Speech you absolutely hated. She was loud and jumped right into hard work and you flat out refused, and have been very clear that you will never, ever, ever go back. I told them no speech for now. However, OT we have decided to continue with gentle Miss Rebecca, because I know she is growing on you. It's not as awesome a space as with Miss T, but we're making it work.
- No more naps. They ruin bedtime completely. I mean, you're 4 now, but the others needed them for so long. Once again proving that you are doing things your own way and I need to learn that way too!
- You have a special relationship with Nana, similar to Aunt Ali. They just get you. It is comforting to see. I am learning to be okay with needing to be late so we can take time to have a discussion for what is important to you right in that moment. It's so good to know you get to spend time with Nana though, because she gets it better than most people do. Especially with Daddy being gone.
- You are SO helpful with Rory! Helping him go to sleep, or playing with him, or getting things for him, you love being a big brother and buddies. It is so sweet to see your relationship develop.
- You have said it maybe twice before, but I made a note to remember to write it down: 1/15/20, you told me you would marry me when you grow up. It was so sweet.
- 1/20 on the way to teach dance, you tagging along, you told me you have "magic eyes" because they made the fence change colors, from purple to green, in the morning light. The fences were white and brown, but the colors you saw were apparently purple and green... Because of magic eyes... I did smile for that one.
- The other day you told me, "Mom, your cheeks are pink, so you are sick." We had been discussing how I know you kids are sick when your cheeks are pink, so it was cute for you to notice and be concerned.
It has been a very busy and hard few months for you, as we are learning and focusing on your needs a lot more. You are happiest running and spinning and climbing outside, or building and coloring with your hands. After being so exhausted trying and never figuring out how to help you, I am so relieved to not only find some support, but to be flooded with love and help for you. You are so smart and talented, and now we can help you find peace and balance, and not force you into the mold of your older siblings. I love you so much.
Love, Mommy
Dear Rory,
- You love to get belly buttons, and giggle maniacally when you blow raspberries on other people!
- You give the sweetest little kisses.
- You love high fives.
- The little plastic dogs we have, you would find them back in October and bring them to me, SO excited and say "woof woof!" over and over again. You haven't played with them in a few weeks, but when you find them heaven forbid anyone take them from you!
- Back for the fall festival, you LOVED this little area where they had stuffed animals and plastic veggies on hay for a "farm" with a cardboard old West town and everything. It was adorable and a wonderful find for your small self.
- You are really smart. You say a lot of things with "b", including the latest one of "bubbles". You are trying to learn more words and have started to show frustration when I guess the wrong word. You are so thrilled when we communicate correctly and understanding is reached. We have a long way to go on clarity though.
- I mentioned before your wonderful hugs. No really, they are THE BEST. Your tiny arms squeeze around the neck and you are so happy and excited about the hugs, it's amazing.
- You have hurt Daddy oh so much by not caring where he is or what he is doing, not wanting anything to do with him unless I really am that busy. It's the weirdest and most heartbreaking thing for me, as I love both of you, to see you just not need or want him. Even with him gone you never ask where he is. Now, when you see a picture of him you smile and wave and call him, but that's the extent of it. I'm hoping when he comes back you will have realized how great he really is, and appreciate him more.
- You love to help with the dishwasher. Pulling out clean dishes to hand them to me or the other kids brings you such joy. You like getting them by yourself, too. You have finally started to understand that dirty dishes have to go in and stay in until clean.
- You like to help put clothes away too. You usually steal them from the other piles and run away giggling as we all try to fold, but you like to help and it's cute.
- I took you out of the pack-n-play. You slept on the end of Reed's bed for the past month or so, and have now been proclaimed unwelcome by the others, so I really do need to get you your own mattress. But you have loved the freedom of it. Bedtime is complete chaos right now, so we use the gate in the door, but you lay down if the others do too... usually.
- You just don't like grains in typical forms. Bread, tortillas, rice, none of that. Cheerios and goldfish are fine. Noodles it depends on the day. But most everything else you eat alright. You are not done nursing, and at this rate you might go the longest, or at least as long as Reed.
- Back molars came in. Now the canines are currently and ohmyword do we both need them to just pop up already.
- You don't like naps as much already. You do better with a later nap than an earlier one. It's been crazy and our routines have been off for about 2 months straight, but usually you nap for 1-2 hours.
- You really like being able to put on your own shoes. Wearing shoes and going out to play in the dirt makes you so happy.
- You can't stand a dirty diaper. You go and get your own diapers and bring them to me when you are ready to be changed. I don't like when you pull all the wipes out though. You also have already sat on the potty successfully twice this past week. You have started to figure out control of all that so we might start training in earnest next month. For now, I let you sit when I have a second, or you just climb on the froggy while the others go.
- You like to climb on the bench with the big kids. Especially if their water cups are on the table.
- You are still scared of Nana's big dog while he is standing. When he is laying down you like to pet him as you go by.
- You have started to pray. You fold your arms and bow your head, and sometimes talk with whoever is giving the prayer. You are so excited when I let you "say" it that you look at me and laugh, then look around while we pray.
You are a sweet monkey. I love you to the moon and back.
Love, Mommy
Dear Aaron,
- We went to Wonderworks in Panama City way back at the start of October. It was so fun for you! It was really similar to the science museum in Alabama, but it still had some unique things that made it so instead of just 3 or so hours I believe we were there for about 7 or 8! You especially loved that you were tall enough for the virtual reality roller coaster.
- Also at the beginning of October, there is a note I saved where you came to me and proclaimed, "I'm done with my rage," after throwing things for about 15 minutes in your room. I know we have a long way to go as we navigate emotions and properly dealing with frustrations, but I was proud of you for recognizing your feelings, finding a solution that did not hurt others or yourself, and felt secure enough to talk with me after. Also, it was just funny how you said it, but of course I didn't laugh until telling Daddy about it later. You are so great.
- You finished the soccer season well. You missed your last game because you were sick, but the second to last game you played great and it made for a good closing of the season. There was no sadness at the end of being a part of that team, but you learned some good things and I'm glad for you.
- Halloween was the most extended I ever care for it to be again, ha. There was the ward trunk-or-treat the 30th, and Nana and Papa took you guys. You dressed up as Link. You had a blast running around with your friends, collecting way more sugar than I thought possible, and even trying the "haunted room" set up by the teenagers. You didn't like it, but I was proud of you for trying. You told them all to "back off" and covered your ears so they wouldn't scare you. Papa gave you lots of extra candy, too. There were also so many fun activities to win candy, including a nerf target. The next night Daddy and I took you guys to Publix, which was simple but fun to do together. You were Starlord for that one. Then we enjoyed Charlie Brown together.
- But wait there's more! The fall festival was the 2nd, and you guys got even more candy, and other little prizes. You dressed up in your Robin shirt I made you for that day. You got to enjoy the activities too. You had to do every single bean bag toss there was, and there were a lot of them. You loved the karate demonstration, the basketball shooter, and the Star Wars nerf shooter. Going around with Daddy was probably your favorite part of all of it.
- For Papa's birthday we went to the Blue Angels air show, and oh my heavens was it COLD. You were not thrilled to be there that long, and were grateful when I finally said we could leave, but you did enjoy looking at all the planes with Papa. That was so special to see you bond with him over those planes, learning from him and enjoying that time. Although you also wanted to watch the planes flying over and had to stop listening for a few minutes, haha. Getting the toy set was a highlight because you have been asking for one for YEARS and we got you the coolest WWII set there was. For some reason, when we left everyone grabbed their jackets and promptly left them at home. So we did end up buying a sweatshirt which you wore. It was a good but freezing day out on the tarmac, and ended with yummy food at Red Robin.
- Before Thanksgiving we went to the school showing of the Nutcracker, and while you tell me you didn't enjoy it at all, you were chatting and giggling with your friends enough I have reason to disbelieve you ha. You also were glued to the performance when the "Russian" dance was on, with all the cool jumps and turns. We tried a local food place after with Daddy for fun, too. It was a good outing.
- For Thanksgiving we had MieMie visit, going to see Frozen II (and liking it!) and trying Jumping Beans, which you loved of course. You guys enjoyed games at home with her when Daddy and I went out, and being able to share that time with her was just what you wanted.
- When we went to the Christmas parade this year, you sat with Nana and Papa and Daddy and Rory, and scored even more candy! It was crazy when, towards the end, someone from the parade came and dumped the rest of their BUCKET into our wagon so she wouldn't have to pass it out anymore. You were thrilled of course!
- Nana and Papa bought a house in December, and you and the others got to help choose which one it was during the showings. You have LOVED their big back yard and giant tree house! You have helped Papa with cleaning up the bushes and really long, tall grasses by using a real saw, and have also helped clean the pool a couple times. There is enough space to run around and play with a ball, or tag, or swing... It's been a home away from home for all of you and it's been great to see you help them and learn from them while there.
- The dance studio started Christmas break a few days before everyone else, so we got to visit New Orleans mid-December. It was an interesting trip, being extremely cold and needing to walk everywhere, and the timing being off. You were bored for most of the trip. The pizza place we went to was fun, because you got to literally build your pizza. You also liked eating at a place called "Joey K's", and you told me "it must be such a good place for the policemen to go eat there!" as we saw a group enjoying their meal while there. The highlight of the trip, and what made it all worthwhile, was the WWII museum. It is worth the price and the craziness of water being shut down in the city that day, necessitating port-a-potties while there. Everything is so well done, you were able to learn so much. The others and I left without seeing it all, but you stayed with Daddy to finish the rest of it and absorbed as much as you possibly could. If anything, I hope to take you back so you can finish reading everything to your heart's desire. You learned so much, it was such a powerful experience. Having the dog tags to take around and learn about individuals who lived through it made everything more inspiring. You have a new subject of interest now, for sure.
- Spending Christmas with Daddy was a blessing we are all grateful for. It was a good morning, followed by a simple afternoon and evening. You enjoyed gifts and games and treats, and were satisfied with the cookies-and-Santa result this year, as well as the stocking. I'm so grateful you don't expect much, and are grateful for simple but meaningful gifts. And you definitely enjoyed more pumpkin pie again!
- New Years we spent at a friend's house for fireworks, and it was so fun to watch you run around with your friends as the fireworks went off. We didn't stay up late because everyone was getting over colds, but you were satisfied with the play date so were just fine. Nerf guns and hiding and seeking and tag and fireworks... it was a great night for you!
- Daddy left this month for deployment. It was hard with all the changing schedules and timelines, but you dealt with it as best you could and I am grateful. You have been so excited to update him on your video games every chance you get to talk to him. Getting back into the school habit is a little challenging, but otherwise our routine is mostly leveled out and you are doing what you can to help.
I am proud of who you are becoming. I hope you know that I am trying to become a better mom for you, so that we can find greater peace and happiness together. You are so smart, and so emotional, and have so much to give. We'll not only just get through this separation from Daddy, but we'll grow and enjoy life while we wait to be reunited. I love you.
Love, Mommy
Dear Ana,
- You also loved Wonderworks in Panama way back in October, and had a blast with the giant bubbles and drawing dinosaurs to scan into the machine and project. It was a great day to explore and enjoy with you.
- You finished soccer happily and enjoyed your end of year party very much. I love how you make friends every where and loved trying something new. You were happy to not have so much during the week to do, but also enjoyed the extra activity. We'll see what next year brings.
- So for the ward trunk-or-treat you dressed up as a fairy, and had a glorious time running around with friends and playing games, and of course getting candy. When we went to Publix you went as a cat, and were satisfied with the simple evening of watching Charlie Brown since our schedule was so hectic. When we went to the fall festival, you dressed up as ??? and loved getting ALL the candy and trying most of the games. There was one booth with paper animal masks you could color, and you waited patiently for it, then took your time coloring it perfectly. You definitely enjoyed the time walking together.
- The air show was so cold, it was hard for you to enjoy, but you did for the most part. Seeing the planes actually flying was more fun than the ones sitting on the ground, and you definitely enjoyed your white teddy bear with pink shirt most. Going to Red Robin was your favorite part I think!
- You loved seeing the Nutcracker this year with friends again! You sat and excitedly pointed everything out with them the whole time, sometimes so loudly we had to shush you haha. It was so fun to hear you chatter on about all the costumes and different dances, trying to decide what was your favorite this year.
- Thanksgiving with MieMie was the best, because you got all the extra snuggles and had so much fun with the games at home and Jumping Beans, and of course the movie Frozen. We have listened to the songs so much since then.
- You walked with me in the Christmas parade and had fun waving at everyone, and then because we weren't too far back we got to enjoy the rest of the parade with the others. Spending time with everyone just makes you so happy.
- Being at Nana and Papa's new house has been so fun for you. You don't like running too much still, but you have enjoyed being in the calm and quiet space of the backyard, helping to clean the pool, and having snuggle time with Nana.
- We went to 2 Christmas parties on the same day, one being the ward party and the other at the dance studio. You enjoyed seeing and playing with friends at both. It was also incredible when you won a giant stuffed dragon at the second party, astounding me greatly, and overflowing your heart with joy at such a happy occurrence.
- New Orleans was not your favorite trip. You were cold and got sick. You enjoyed looking at the houses with us, counting wreaths in the windows and on the doors, but otherwise were just tired. You were obviously getting sick when we were at the museum so I took you back to the room. It was good for you that we left the next day, but you were a champ and let us make a stop first. The pizza making was probably your favorite, but the walk there and back was the coldest part with all the wind.
- Christmas with Aunt Ali was the best. You got ALL THE SNUGGLES with the person you are most like! It was so great to see you develop a real relationship with her, and I hope you continue to strengthen it over the years.
- You got art supplies for Christmas. Some canvas and some oil pastels. You have been so happy to create more artwork! I love seeing your talent develop. The family hoverboard was also an extremely exciting gift, and you mastered it before anyone else with your mad skills.
- New Years with your friends and Aunt Ali watching fireworks was wonderful. You were not sad at all to go to bed at a normal time, because you like early bedtimes for early mornings. It was a fun and simple night of snuggles and snacks.
- Being able to celebrate Daddy's birthday with him when we thought we couldn't was a wonderful gift. We watched the Rebels show and had cookies, and you got to snuggle him. When he had to leave the next day it was a little easier since we had the extra time. Although you definitely had a melt down the next day. We've been able to stabilize and found a good routine for now. Getting back into schoolwork has been rough, but it's going easier. Reed's extra appointments have been hard on you, which has surprised me. But you have been getting lots of hugs from Nana.
- You are excelling in dance and acro. You got moved up for the acro level, and are loving tap and ballet. You go with me now when I teach one of the nights, and it makes things easier so far as driving goes, but it also lets us have more time together.
- You told me the other night that you lick each side of the tortilla chip to see which is saltier so you can scoop beans with the less salty side and taste the salt on the underside. It was hilarious to watch. You definitely like salt.
- There was a great moment this week when you asked Aaron, "what is the sharpest thing?" He responded with, "Being separated from Heavenly Father forever." You were confused and continued with, "...I meant, like, a knife or sword or nail, like that. But that makes sense."
It's been good to figure out more time together, but as we also learn how to handle big emotions and situations we are having many discussions. I'm so grateful you have so many loving family members in your life, and that you make friends everywhere we go, even just waiting in line at the store. I love you so much.
Love, Mommy
Dear Reed,
- 9/29/19 classic conversation:
"Reed you need to go poop."
"No because then I will get small."
"So... You're full of poop?"
"Yes."
- You LOVED Wonderworks. You were simultaneously terrified and thrilled by the little hurricane simulation thing that "flipped" the laboratory over. You thought it was a real story until after you had experienced it like 10 times and I realized as you told me about it how you believed it, and were slightly scared, and I had to clarify it is just silly despite hurricanes being real. You didn't seem sure I was telling you the whole story. You were also thrilled with the visual sand that created mountains and volcanoes or lakes and seas as you scooped the sand - that was cool stuff. You were super sad you couldn't do the roller coaster though. I'm hoping we can go again so you can be tall enough.
- So, you turned FOUR! Daddy was gone that week, which was lame, and I had to go teach... That was the worst. You knew I had made a promise so you sadly said goodbye. And then when I got home, the place I had promised you we would go, Jumping Beans, was CLOSED. So we got pizza and went to the park for a walk and to play on the playground. It was a lame birthday, I readily admit. You did get some fun things that you really enjoy still, though. You had asked for a little Sableye pokemon you could "build" months previous, and still love having him, amongst other things.
- For your well check up, we had quite the roadblock. You were fine, until you decided you did not want to talk to the nurse or doctor at ALL and refused to do anything they asked willingly. The doctor, being a wonderful lady I have appreciated the whole time we've been here, gently asked me if this was normal for you. It has been. She informed me that is more 3-ish than 4-ish and recommended some counseling places and occupational therapy to help figure out emotional regulation. After such a stressful appointment, we went to Chick-fil-A and enjoyed lunch and play time, after driving while silently sobbing in gratitude for her honesty and offer of help. You were content with the play time. And I made appointments the next week.
- For the ward trunk-or-treat you were a ghost, and wore a sheet and everything. You mostly hung out with Nana and Papa, getting lots of extras from Papa. For Publix and the fall festival, you were Superman. You enjoyed the candy and a handful of activities. Mostly the candy though ha.
- For the air show, you sat in a blanket and remained miserable the whole time. You wanted to go home 2 minutes in. You did get a little bear, and sat with him and the headphones Nana got, and sort of looked at planes, but made it clear you were done. When we fiiiiiinally left for Red Robin, you were very happy. You enjoyed eating there and watching them sing "Happy Birthday" to Papa.
- For the Nutcracker, you enjoyed seeing other friends, but you also thoroughly enjoyed the show! You were telling me all your favorite parts and what you liked about it, I realized you might really enjoy dance. I was overjoyed with this and have been trying valiantly to not push you into the idea. You have come to class with me a few times, and have participated once. But you like the idea of trying both ballet and tap, and I am still hopeful. Anyway, it was wonderful to share the Nutcracker with you, and I can't wait to take you and Ana to the full production of the big city one next year.
- You enjoyed Thanksgiving with MieMie also, enjoying the movie and could not get enough of Jumping Beans! It was good to know you did enjoy it even though it didn't work for your birthday.
- So the first week of December we met with your/our new therapist, Miss T. We talked about how we were going to learn together how better to talk to each other and help understand one another. You were shy at first, per the norm, but listened while we talked and observed her room, warming up by the end enough to ask her about some items in there. She gave you modeling clay at the end, and you told me how much you liked her. We have gone back several times, and we are learning. You really like her and feel comfortable there, and I am overwhelmingly grateful for a safe space to learn about such important albeit sensitive things. You don't necessarily enjoy being there to talk about difficult things. But we're making progress. She is a wonderful new friend.
- You really enjoyed being in the Christmas parade with me and Ana. It was fun to share with you, although you had no desire to wave or even smile at anyone, ha! Your eyes were huge when that woman dumped all the candy into our wagon. It was crazy.
- When we went to the ward Christmas party, there was a little gift exchange between all the kids. You chose one of the packages I brought because you wanted to know what was inside. You were not thrilled, but curiosity was satisfied so you didn't complain either, ha. You did however light up at the dance studio when you won the GIANT teddy bear that they brought out! It was the first (of the 2) giant toys and you whispered in my ear, "Oh Mom, I really hope I win that one." It was so cute and you were so thunderstruck with amazement haha! It was great watching you carry it back to where Daddy was sitting, too.
- The next night was the night Daddy and I were supposed to sing at a music fireside for church. During our turn, Daddy was nowhere to be found, and you chased me up the stage making your horrid rude noise. When we were supposed to get down, you decided I should chase you down instead of quietly leaving. We left the chapel with your hand in mine, you screaming and my face oh so red. We spent the rest of the time in the car, as I knew the others were fine with friends until Daddy could get them. I was mortified and furious. You were exhausted and also furious. I just kept thinking how I could not wait to get to know Miss T better to figure out our hot mess.
- You tolerated New Orleans while we were walking about, when we ate pizza, and in the hotel room. The museum was super hard for you because you did not want to NOT climb on everything. It was also just cold. You also could not wait to go pick up Ali from the airport.
- You loved having Aunt Ali here, showing her your tricks and playing games with her. She understood you, where most people don't. You also love her like Ana, and I hope your relationship grows as well.
- You got a skateboard for Christmas and have loved riding that around. It was something you wanted about a month before, and did not think you would get. The family also got a hoverboard, and that thing is practically an extension of you! It amazes me to no end how adept you are on it! You move the easiest on it, and are figuring out tricks and things already.
- You have hated Daddy being gone. You were so thrilled when it was pushed back a day and we could spend his birthday with him. When he left the next day, on the way home from dropping him off, you asked me how long until he comes back: "2 days? 1 week?" "Sigh... no honey..." There have been several nights where you have pushed me to the limit at bedtime just to burst into tears and sob how much you miss him. It is hard, but we are adjusting and finding balance. You don't angrily ignore him for video calls now, but make funny faces and everything like usual.
- We tried speech therapy and occupational therapy this month, OT first. You liked Miss Rebecca okay, but not the work so fought it. Speech you absolutely hated. She was loud and jumped right into hard work and you flat out refused, and have been very clear that you will never, ever, ever go back. I told them no speech for now. However, OT we have decided to continue with gentle Miss Rebecca, because I know she is growing on you. It's not as awesome a space as with Miss T, but we're making it work.
- No more naps. They ruin bedtime completely. I mean, you're 4 now, but the others needed them for so long. Once again proving that you are doing things your own way and I need to learn that way too!
- You have a special relationship with Nana, similar to Aunt Ali. They just get you. It is comforting to see. I am learning to be okay with needing to be late so we can take time to have a discussion for what is important to you right in that moment. It's so good to know you get to spend time with Nana though, because she gets it better than most people do. Especially with Daddy being gone.
- You are SO helpful with Rory! Helping him go to sleep, or playing with him, or getting things for him, you love being a big brother and buddies. It is so sweet to see your relationship develop.
- You have said it maybe twice before, but I made a note to remember to write it down: 1/15/20, you told me you would marry me when you grow up. It was so sweet.
- 1/20 on the way to teach dance, you tagging along, you told me you have "magic eyes" because they made the fence change colors, from purple to green, in the morning light. The fences were white and brown, but the colors you saw were apparently purple and green... Because of magic eyes... I did smile for that one.
- The other day you told me, "Mom, your cheeks are pink, so you are sick." We had been discussing how I know you kids are sick when your cheeks are pink, so it was cute for you to notice and be concerned.
It has been a very busy and hard few months for you, as we are learning and focusing on your needs a lot more. You are happiest running and spinning and climbing outside, or building and coloring with your hands. After being so exhausted trying and never figuring out how to help you, I am so relieved to not only find some support, but to be flooded with love and help for you. You are so smart and talented, and now we can help you find peace and balance, and not force you into the mold of your older siblings. I love you so much.
Love, Mommy
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